|An Interview with
the Grand High Llama of the IPU Rich Daniel
Does the IPU really exist?
As much as god exists or Eric Draven for that matter.
Take one horse.
Paint it pink, put a horn on its head, make it invisible
and you have
an invisible pink unicorn. Does this mean its possible?
Wisdom strictly forbids such an action. Of course
was sadly mistaken about the shape of the earth now
wasn't it? The
Earth didn't suddenly decide to become spherical in
reaction to a
popular poll. There isn't any proof that you can't have
an IPU any
more than there is proof that you can have one. If one is
to deny the
existence of the IPU one need to deny the existence of
claus, truth in advertising, political reform, jesus, and
things that are intangible and not present on top of your
staring you right in the face at this moment. Can't have
one or the
other, this isn't the 31 flavors of philosophy. Accepting
inplausable scheme such as waking up alive with all
still working requires that one admit that all other
schemes in the universe are possible. In fact the IPU is
Is there a point to this?
Yes! The IPU is the cosmic guru of uncertaintly. Since
invisible it can't possible be pink but it is. You're
uncertain right now aren't you. It is and it isn't at the
Normall only certain cats trapped in boxes with 50%
chances to live
could be and not be at the same time. The cat undergoes
but the IPU is beyond that. Its is both at the same time
can't be certain what the hell it is, pink or invisible
can't find it to check. Schrodinger was on the entirely
with the kitty idea. The IPU isn't sure either since it
look in a mirror. It experience the essence of being pink
invisible at the same time. Such miracles are not easily
come by mere
So is the IPU god?
No more than David Bowie. The IPU does not have demands
followers. It does not demand tribute or place silly
their behaviour, dress, where they spend Saturday night,
or what brand
of Tequilla they consume. The IPU just is. Accept it
the most holy horn will not skewer you if you choose not
to, in fact
the IPU will do NOTHING to you if you don't choose to
existence. This is a non threating religion, we have
quite enough of
the treatening kind already.
Where did the IPU come from?
Legend has it that someone on alt.atheism quipped that
god(tm) was as
logical as pixies or invisible pink unicorns. A certain
tickled pink (so to speak) by the idea and decided to
start a new
religion based on an invisible pink unicorn. This of
course is merely
legend and rather silly.
The IPU has existed always and always will exist as the
incarnation of all that is invisible, pink, horny, and
the universe. The unicorn is responsible for all the
the universe. It causes quantum particles be completely
indeterminate, it makes the actions of Mother Nature
resposible for an infinite number of strange and
and makes a damn fine tequilla sunrise. In the beginning
furry guy in a white robe said 'let there be light' the
IPU lit a
clove from it. The holy smoke from the original clove
light and started the random motion of light which for
reason looked more than a little like Salvador Dali. Thus
So like the IPU is kind of like, uncertain?
While the IPU is the embodiment of uncertainty
does not like stupid or fluffy people. Nor does the IPU
who pretend they have all the bloody answers and you're
just too blind
and one of these days you'll pay for your lack of faith
Hence the IPU does not require faith but exists
regardless of doubt as
there simply isn't a way to prove that it dosen't exist.
invisible one can neither say its pink or not pink or
entirely so its entirely uncertain that its pink. If it
it wouldn't be the Invisible Pink Unicorn now would it?
Why a unicorn?
It's 1000 times cuter than a purple assed baboon
W. Burroughs) and much more uncertain. Just because you
an unicorn dosen't mean they don't exist. I haven't seen
electrons, or Peter Murphy for that matter, but I still
existence even though I have no direct evidence for their
Unicorns are special creatures which exist seemingly in
imagination but there isn't any reason they can't exist.
horns in their foreheads who can only be approach by
perfectly logical, their existence has not been confirmed
How can one believe in the IPU?
Simple. Do so. Its not that difficult. Accept the IPU as
that exists. There isn't a way to deny its existence
the existence of all that cannot be directly observed by
sensory organs. Taking into account optical illusions,
dreams for example one can easily see how faliable even
these means of
observation are. There really isn't anything you can put
into. The people who most want to tell you that they can
are those you can least afford to do so, sales
politicians, insurance agents, and religious figures.
You're a religious figure, can I trust you?
As far as you can throw me. As I'm a skinny gothy type
on who's doing the throwing. Again its a matter of
prefrence. I could be totally insane and spouting lies,
or one of the
most rational people around or both at the same time.
There's always the chance that the Invisible Pink Unicorn
sleeping at the foot of my bed and drinking my wine. Its
a matter for
one's personal consideration. The IPU is uncertain. It
logically shown that the IPU exists or dosen't exist as
much as you
can tell if I'm lying or not. Most mundane heads would
by now but if your cranium is still intact is it up to
reader to asertain the truth of the most holy Invisible
This dosen't make sense.
That's the idea. The IPU dosen't make logical sense but
the laws of physics. They make sense to cult members who
lenghty initation, namely physicists. Nothing in the
sense, the IPU is merely the first being to be honest
about it. The
universe just is, only logic makes us act in strange
ways. Logic is
what starts wars, causes misery, starts famine, and makes
a really bad
cup of tea. Rejecting logic is the first step to
Logic is what tells you to cut your hair, buy sensible
your aspriations in life are a BMW, things from The
catalog, and that wearing velvet, lace and lots of
a silly idea.
Are there any relgious tracts?
Yes. The entire truth of the universe were inscribed on
tablets of the IPU by the IPU itself. Unfortunatly the
comprised of the purest cubic zirconium and any attempt
to read them
using a light source results in blinding refraction
effects that would
sear the retina through welding glasses. Needless to say
impossible to read and the IPU wasn't paying much
attention to what
was being written down and is struggling to remember. Oh
You've seen one universal truth you've seen them all.